Navigating Motherhood Without Your Mother
Are you navigating the wild ride of motherhood without the support of your mother? When your mom is absent due to estrangement, illness, distance, or loss, the journey of motherhood can feel especially heavy and heart-wrenching.
Navigating Motherhood Without Your Mother is the go-to podcast for moms who lack maternal support and desire to make peace with the past, build confidence in their present role, and break harmful generational patterns for the future. This show empowers moms to achieve lasting results, such as improved emotional regulation, breaking cycles of dysfunction, and fostering a healthy family environment.
Alyssa Carlene, your host, is a dedicated mom on a mission. With emotional depth and passion drawn from her transformative journey, she proves that the absence of a motherly figure can make you stronger—and that you don't have to face this path alone. Through her 5-step ROOTS framework, listeners will learn to Recognize harmful patterns, Own their stories, Open their hearts to forgiveness, Transform limiting beliefs, and Set new boundaries.
If you've been asking questions like:
- How can I make peace with the past and be the best parent for my children?
- How can I build confidence in my present role as a mother?
- What can I do to break unhealthy and harmful generational cycles?
- How do I set healthy boundaries with my mother and/or other family members?
- What are ways I can foster emotional resilience?
- Where can I find support navigating motherhood without my mom?
- What are the potential root causes of my chronic pain and mental health struggles?
- How can I create a healthier and stable home environment for my family?
- What are some alternative methods for overcoming the wounds of my past?
- How do I stop people pleasing so I can better care for my needs?
- How can I open my heart to forgiveness to move forward and continue healing myself?
Are you ready to transform yourself and cultivate the loving home you’ve always dreamed of and deserve? Then this show is for you!
Navigating Motherhood Without Your Mother
23. Finding Peace by Accepting What You Can't Change
What peace might you find if you stopped fighting what you can’t change?
In this episode, we’re talking about what it really means to accept the hard things in life, especially the ones you didn’t choose. You’ll learn how acceptance isn’t giving up, but a powerful act of emotional freedom.
Listen to the episode to answer the following questions:
- What does it really mean to accept something I can’t change?
- How do I begin accepting the fact that my mom isn’t here to support me?
- What’s the difference between acceptance and giving up?
- Why is it so hard to stop wishing things were different — and how can I let go of that?
- What small practices can help me feel more peace and less resistance in everyday motherhood?
1. Want to join a supportive, heartfelt community with other moms who are also navigating motherhood without their mothers? Join our Facebook Group today!
2. Are you ready to build confidence and emotional resilience as a mom, even without the support of your mother? Access the free video training now: Five Steps to Navigating Motherhood Without Your Mother!
3. Want to chat more about what it's like to mother without your mom and get personalized support? Send Alyssa Carlene a DM on Instagram!
Every single human being who has walked the face of this earth has wanted peace in their life and joy. This is universal for all of us. And the other universal part is that there are a lot of things in this life that we can't change or we can't control because they are simply outside of our control. So how do we find peace by accepting what we can't change? How do we find peace when our mother is here, but she can't be a part of our lives? How do we find peace if our mother passed away and we no longer have her in our life? How do we find peace in some of these toughest moments? Today's episode is all about finding this peace and joy again and accepting, letting go, surrendering to the things that we simply cannot change. You're listening to Navigating Motherhood and should never replace proper medical and mental health guidance from licensed professionals. Let's get started. Welcome amazing mamas. I'm so happy that you're back and listening to the Navigating Motherhood Without Your Mother podcast. I just want you to know that mothering without your mom can seriously bring unique and deep challenges. I think it's so important that we are talking about these things and I'm just excited to tackle this subject today of finding peace by accepting what we can't change. There's loss, there's loneliness, missing guidance, feeling unsupported. How do we make peace of all these things that feel chaotic? We want to accept and there are things in life that simply we have to accept. We have to surrender in order to heal. I want to start by sharing what acceptance really means and then diving into why it's important in motherhood without your mom and then give you some really practical steps to cultivate that acceptance and then of course encourage you to practice these things and provide the hope that we can all feel in life because what is life without hope? What is life without peace? So to start, What really is acceptance? I feel like it wasn't until... And this sounds kind of silly because I'm almost 30 years old. I'll be 30 at the end of the year. And it was about, gosh, maybe seven or eight years ago that I was introduced to a book called The Power of Now, which I love. And it's by Eckhart Tolle. And he talks a lot about acceptance. And it wasn't until... a few years ago actually that I read his book about acceptance and surrender and presence. And I feel like I really started to understand acceptance at a completely different level only just a few years ago. And acceptance, I want to clarify that acceptance is not about liking or approving hard circumstances, especially when you miss your mom and it's painful. You don't have to just like it and think there's nothing wrong. I'm totally fine and completely ignore your valid emotions and feelings. What acceptance really is... Recognizing your reality without fighting or denying it, which then frees a lot of emotional energy for healing. And I would just like to say that I go through many cycles of having to go back and accept my circumstances. I will even just say that last night I had... major breakdown I just was crying sobbing so sad for my life right now because I have felt like after I had my second baby we experienced a lot of tough things she had colic for months and then she had a surgery and during her pregnancy I was also very sick and I've watched myself sort of deteriorate There's a little bit of that self-sacrifice and martyrdom that I kind of took on that role in motherhood and let myself go in a way. And I say this with giving myself the utmost grace and love because at the end of the day, we have to give ourselves grace. But for so long, and this is even before my second baby, Because I have a five-year-old. I've been a mom for five years. And so what I'm trying to get to without breaking out on a tangent here is that last night I felt this huge sense of just defeat in my life. I've gained a lot of weight. I've watched myself grow. suffer with depression and a lot of different things and I just broke down and felt so angry at myself and what I've become and you know was crying to my husband about these things and then I realized you know the next morning I was in a dark moment a very dark place you know some of the depression that I've experienced was coming up again these trauma you know these different things and today I woke up and remembered that there are things that are simply outside of my control because a lot of what I was talking to him about too was feeling so sad about the trauma that I experienced as a little girl and doing this motherhood thing without my mom and really feeling sad about that. And so I was focusing a lot on that. And then I woke up this morning and remembered, you know, I have this podcast, I've done all this work, And I need to practice what I preach. I need to accept that I can't change my mom and that I can't change the past. But I can focus on what I can try to change because there are a lot of things in our life that we can. We can take our power back and we can say, hey, we're going to change. And so this is next phase of my life. I'm really focusing on my fitness and that's becoming my fitness and physical healing journey. But for now, I have to accept and I have to be okay with the fact that I am, in fact, a motherless mother. Acceptance is so important because when we are mothering without our mom, we have a unique grief and many challenges that we face without her support or example or Resistance to this reality can lead to a lot of extra suffering and feeling stuck. I resisted it for a couple years in my mothering because I was just so mad. I didn't want to accept that she might not ever... be there for me in the way that I need her. And now I've sort of accepted that she can't. I've accepted completely. So even that shift from, you know, holding out to really just accepting that reality for me has been a big, big deal. And acceptance, it helps create space for compassion toward yourself and your journey. These are practical steps that I feel like can really help you because we're talking at the end of the day, we're talking about finding peace. And sometimes finding peace means letting go of the things that aren't helping you. You can literally feel like this energetic weight lift off of your shoulders when you start to accept things that you can't change. So the first step is naming. these feelings, these hard feelings without judgment. Last night, I was feeling a lot of grief. I was feeling a lot of anger. I was feeling resentment toward myself, toward my mom, lots of things, right? Step number two, I gave myself permission to feel that grief and that frustration. And I was thankful that I had my husband to sit with me and listen and And then the next morning, I pulled myself out of it. I couldn't stay because I was in a dark place. I was in a dark place feeling really dark and lonely and depressed and mad. But if you stay in that for too long, it's going to drag you down. So, of course, give yourself permission. You can feel it, but then pull yourself out of it. Call somebody. Have somebody help you. Number three is to practice the gentle self-talk or journal. and focus on acceptance. Growing up, my mom, she suffered from alcoholism and drug addiction. And one thing that I was always proud of her for when she did do this was go to the Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. And I remember her telling me about the Serenity Prayer. And so I wanted to read it to you if you're not familiar with it because this is the epitome of acceptance. Okay, this is the epitome of letting it go and giving it to a higher power, a higher energy that is going to take that off of you. This is it, the serenity prayer. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference, living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time. accepting hardships as the pathway to peace, taking as he did this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it, trusting that he will make all things right if I surrender to his will, that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with him forever in the next. Amen. I love this prayer because you can even take it and you can personalize it, but it's giving it to God, giving it to Jesus Christ. If you're a believer in the savior, giving it to a higher power, giving it to your higher self, whatever you feel like is going to work. The serenity prayer is a beautiful example of accepting and praying that we can have the wisdom to accept the things we can't change and And then to be able to change the things that we can. And so the exciting thing for me is I'm actually going to be starting a program with this other coach. She's a fitness coach and she's going to help me take back my power in my relationship with food and all of these things. So, you know, carrying on this example that I've had in this episode, really just having the What would I say? What would I call it? Having the courage to branch out and ask for help. And that's a way that you can take that power back and what you can change. But going back to these practical steps, number four, we can use mindfulness or grounding exercises to stay present when these emotions get overwhelming. Like we can practice mindfulness. acceptance but sometimes these emotions really do get overwhelming and it's okay to remind ourselves and give ourselves grace because there are things in this life that are so hard that we don't want to accept that we're angry about and maybe today in this moment you don't want to accept that You have a mother who is still here, but she can't show up for you. Maybe right now you feel like you can't accept it. But pray and hope, and with all your power, hope and feel like you can later today or tomorrow or sometime in the future because acceptance sets you free. Acceptance is this beautiful thing. way that we can surrender some of our toughest life challenges and give them to god give them to jesus i just love this i love it and there are many things that we can do to to support this practice here is the encouragement and hope for all of this in this brief episode I want you to know that acceptance is a process. It's not a one-time event. You're going to fall back. You're going to fall back into habits and patterns, but you're going to pull yourself back up because practice makes perfect. Finding peace doesn't mean that you're giving up. It really means that you are reclaiming power by focusing on what you can influence, like your response and your healing. Even without our mom's We can create loving supportive environments for our children. We can be the ones to break toxic generational curses. We can be the ones to teach our children how to accept circumstances in their life that they don't really want to. finding peace is a part of this healing journey because we all deserve peace in our lives finding peace in that your mother passed on from this life and she's no longer here but you have her memory you can keep her memory strong in your heart there's so many ways that we can find peace and peace is beautiful it's powerful and peace also brings us back to this present moment so today i just want to offer a reflective question for you to really think about as this episode is coming to an end how might acceptance help you find the peace that you are looking for is the first question and then the even more important follow-up question would be what do i need to accept to bring me peace Thank you so much for listening to this podcast episode today. And I would like to invite you to connect with my Facebook community, Navigating Motherhood Without Your Mother. It is a supportive group of moms who want to heal, grow, and thrive together. I really encourage you to join this group. You can look at it and find the link in my show notes. It's a safe space. It's a community. And it's that village that you need, we all need as moms. I just want to close with some more gentle encouragement that you are not alone in navigating motherhood without your mother in whatever capacity that may be you are not alone it is such a deep grief in our lives and we need to continue to feel like we are supported so join my facebook group today And just know that you can find the peace in your life that you're looking for. And I am your number one cheerleader. Thanks for listening. Tune in next week to Navigating Motherhood Without Your Mother.