21. When Motherhood Feels Lonely: How to Care for Yourself & Connect

You might be surrounded by your kids all day long and still feel incredibly lonely. Maybe you don’t have a strong circle of mom friends to lean on. And if you’re navigating motherhood without the support of your mom, that loneliness can feel even deeper. Do you experience this?  

Today, on Navigating Motherhood Without Your Mother, Alyssa Carlene explores why loneliness is common to many mothers and important ways you can care for yourself. She also mentions simple ideas to connect with other mothers and create real, meaningful relationships. 

Listen to today's episode to answer the following questions: 

•  Why do I feel so lonely even though I’m constantly surrounded by my kids? 
•  What can I do when the loneliness in motherhood feels overwhelming? 
• How do I care for myself emotionally when I don’t feel seen or supported?
  Where can I find a meaningful connection when I don’t have a strong support system? 

1. Want to join a supportive, heartfelt community with other moms who are also navigating motherhood without their mothers? Join our Facebook Group today!

2. Are you ready to build confidence and emotional resilience as a mom, even without the support of your mother? Access the free video training now: Five Steps to Navigating Motherhood Without Your Mother!

3. Want to chat more about what it's like to mother without your mom and get personalized support? Send Alyssa Carlene a DM on Instagram!

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

When you became a mom, did you notice that there was a different level of loneliness? Did you feel like even though you might have been with your kids all day, you were lonely? Maybe you didn't talk to an adult until your husband got home from work or you just didn't don't have many mom friends, whatever it may be, the loneliness that moms experience is different and it can feel really, really painful. And when you are doing this without the support of your mom, that's just an entirely different level. This concept of loneliness is really hitting me hard currently. I feel like I've had a lot of loneliness. I've felt friendships that have started to shift and change and I've also learned some news of my mother who is not currently a part of my life due to her severe mental illness. So I really wanted to talk about this and let you know that I'm feeling it too and I'm sure a lot of other moms are and together we can name this and we can heal, connect, and really care for ourselves. You're listening to Navigating Motherhood Without Your Mother. Here, we help moms with young children who lack support from their mothers to make peace with the past, build confidence in their present role, and break harmful generational patterns for the future through the five-step Roots Framework. My name is Alyssa Carlene. I am a motherhood empowerment and generational healing coach. My mission is to help you discover the root causes of your struggles so you can foster emotional resilience and create a healthy, loving home environment for your family. Please remember my podcast content is for educational purposes only and should never replace proper medical and mental health guidance from licensed professionals. Let's get started. Speaking of loneliness. Have you heard about my new Facebook group, Navigating Motherhood Without Your Mother? This is a safe space for you to come and be with other moms who are in the same boat. Even if their situation is slightly different, we are all navigating motherhood without our mother and we need support. This is one way that you can tame and combat the loneliness that you feel. So I really hope that you will consider joining. You can look at the link in my show notes to to join today and just know that you will be welcomed with open arms and love because we are all in this together. So let's get into it. Loneliness, it's not always obvious and like I mentioned in the intro of this episode, it's not even just being physically alone because as moms, we could be with our kids and feel a deep, lonely ache. And it's like feeling unseen, maybe, in your role or unsupported in your needs. And it's really, it's multidimensional, I guess, is what I'm trying to say. And when you're doing this without your mom... Of course, whether it's due to loss, estrangement, emotional distance, you name it, it is adding another layer. So when I think about a time that I felt really lonely, I'll just talk about today. It's kind of funny. My oldest daughter went to go see a movie with her grandpa, my dad. And my baby was asleep. And of course, you know, I'm physically alone, but I just felt this deep ache. Like, man, I wish that I... wasn't feeling this and I kind of wanted to push it away I kind of wanted to do whatever I could and I think I did for a while scroll on my phone and and you know do the numbing thing and once I it clicked in my mind you know oh I'm feeling lonely and I named that emotion that feeling I then I had the idea I should talk about this on my show today because I This is a huge thing. And I even posted a threads about it. And I made some new connections on threads, which is a great app for moms if you want to find other mom friends. And I just felt like when we can be vulnerable and open to the loneliness that we feel and talk about it and not be ashamed of it. because we're not all just trying to be super moms and you know like that we may feel that pressure but when we can really name it and talk about it it's super helpful and you know when we are lonely we really need to care for ourselves and sometimes caring for ourselves might mean that we are letting that loneliness be real we don't need to minimize it or think that we're weak for feeling lonely because it's just a human need and you know we name it we can journal it we can speak it we can talk to other people about it we can call somebody and i think another practice that is really beneficial is to sit with it to sit in the silence because the more that we choose to avoid it or go on our phones and scroll and be on instagram reels for gosh who knows you know how many hours that we spend scrolling and looking at reels or tiktoks i mean really it's Why are we doing that? Is it because we're feeling lonely and where can we find a connection? Can we connect inward? Can we take a few minutes to take a breath, meditate or say a prayer? Or can we look outside of us and think, okay, if I'm feeling lonely, maybe someone else is feeling this way because they probably are. There's a high likelihood that we are. And another thing is, you know, you can re-parent yourself in the moment. If your child came up to you and said, I'm really lonely. I'm really sad. In that moment, what would you do? You would be with them. You would hug them. you would love on them. You would do whatever you could to help them not feel that way. And I think another thing is you could also say, hey, it's okay. Sometimes we do feel lonely and acknowledge that that emotion, that feeling is okay and then help them with it. And so thinking about yourself as a little girl is really important. And I love this idea of inner child work and inner child healing because ultimately, This loneliness could also just be another unmet need from your childhood. So really diving inward is one way that you can care for yourself with these feelings. And obviously, please be gentle about what you can expect because you don't just really fix loneliness overnight. I've been thinking a lot about... friendships and man I wish I just had a solid group of moms you know and I've thought this way for years and it's not really going to happen overnight we've moved a lot and we've had different things happen friends have come and go and so trying not to go to those quick fixes or to let yourself you know go into the you know would it be this way could it be this way but really just acknowledge and then move forward into maybe making some connections that you can really feel real and safe. So. maybe it's a low pressure interaction like you go on Instagram but you're more intentional or on Facebook and you comment or you send a voice note or join my Facebook group there are things that we can do I love I mean I'm a podcaster but I love listening to podcasts podcasts have been such a blessing in my life as a mom because there are times when maybe I'm making dinner and my girls are playing and I listen to it and it kind of helps fill that loneliness void or feeling reach out to people I called my aunt today who I love and I know she's going to listen to this podcast she's my number one fan so shout out to my amazing aunt Cindy but I call her and she's an amazing motherly figure so if there is someone in your life who you can trust that is a motherly figure reach out to that person feel free to reach out to me you could message me on my social media I would love to be there for you And then, you know, name what you need. I think really diving into this inner self-reflection is recognizing, you know, where's the loneliness coming from and what am I doing when I feel lonely? And just this is the loving reminder that I want you to know it's not a bad thing. to feel lonely and it doesn't mean that you're failing as a mom if you don't have this solid group of mom friends or you might feel jealous when you see other moms that do. You're doing something that feels nearly impossible. It's raising children while you're holding some of these unhealed pieces. inside you're doing this without your mom and there could be days and moments when if you had her you could turn to her and it's really really difficult so remembering and giving yourself that grace even on the days when you feel most alone you're not the only one that is feeling this way and really I think that community is such a big deal and that is why I'm really trying to nurture grow and and nourish my Facebook community and I want you there. If you're listening to this and you feel called, please join. It really is an amazing space where you don't have to carry your motherhood journey alone and you're going to do it with other moms like you. So there you have it, Mama. If you are feeling lonely in motherhood, these are just a few ways that you can really heal, look inward, and connect with other moms like you. I really hope that I can meet you and get to know you inside my Facebook group. And just remember that you are amazing. You're doing sacred work as a motherless mother. And I'm here for it. We are here for it. And can't wait to support you on your journey.

UNKNOWN: 10:22

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