14. Three Ways to Become an Emotionally Resilient Mom

You don’t need to be a perfect mom, but you can become a resilient one! Emotional resilience is like a muscle- built upon practice, passion, and intention.  

This episode of Navigating Motherhood Without Your Mother will show you how to grow emotional resilience in three specific ways tailored to your unique needs. 

Listen to the episode to answer the following questions: 

• Do I ever feel like I’m mothering without a map?
• Am I still carrying pain or patterns from my childhood into my parenting?
• What would emotional resilience look like for me right now?
• What kind of home environment do I want to create—and what’s standing in the way?

Want to chat more about how to navigate motherhood without your mother and get personalized support? Send Alyssa Carlene a DM on Instagram!

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

A couple years ago, I went to a healing retreat that was just incredible. And one of the activities that we did was we sat in a group of people and we were making paper flowers, big paper flowers with big petals. And on each petal, they asked us to write a characteristic or attribute about someone in our life who models emotional resilience and strength. Immediately, I thought of my husband and I wrote down different things like leadership, kindness, compassion, so many different things. And then at the end of the activity, they asked us to share why we did it, who we wrote about, and then if we could replace that person's name with our own. And what would that be like to see ourselves with that same lens? It was really powerful because it reminded me that the people who are an example to me can also propel me and I can be like them. So think about that for a second. Who in your life models emotional resilience? What are some things that you think and love about that person? And can you see those attributes in yourself? Because the reality is, I know you can. You're listening to Navigating Motherhood Without Your Mother. Here, we help moms with young children who lack support from their mothers to make peace with the past, build confidence in their present role, and break harmful generational patterns for the future through the five-step roots framework. My name is Alyssa Carlene. I am a motherhood empowerment and generational healing coach. My mission is to help you discover the root causes of your struggles so you can foster emotional resilience and create a healthy, loving home environment for your family. Please remember that my podcast content is for educational purposes only and should never replace proper medical and mental health guidance from licensed professionals. Let's get started. Welcome back to the show and if you're new here, I'm so glad that you're here. If you've ever felt overwhelmed, unsure of yourself, or like you are carrying the emotional weight of generations before you, just know that you're not alone and this episode is for you. Today I'm sharing three powerful ways to become an emotionally resilient mom, even if you're doing it without the support you've always needed from your own mother. We'll talk about how to make peace with your past, build confidence in your present role, and break harmful patterns for the future through the Roots Framework. You may recognize everything I just said because of my show introduction. That's right. This is how I help you. And this is the basis for so much of the transformation that you can see in Roots. navigating motherhood without your mother, and building emotional resilience. These are tools that I use that are designed to help you feel grounded, strong, and capable of creating that loving home environment for your family. So the first way, making peace with the past. Emotional resilience starts with facing what's still hurting you. Many of us may be carrying unresolved pain from childhood. There are books and studies about how the body keeps the score, trauma, whatever things that happen to you. If you were neglected, criticized, or unsupported by your mother, you may be holding on to that. So we must recognize harmful patterns that were passed down to us so that we can recognize Change it. Think what did you learn or absorb from your upbringing that still shows up in your motherhood. Now this is not to put any shame on you or even shame on your mother if that is the case. It's just simply recognizing that there may be a harmful pattern here and that we can change it. That is the R of my roots framework. Recognizing these harmful patterns is truly the first step because you're recognizing this isn't working and you get to decide what you're going to do that's going to work. So it's actually really cool because your eyes are opened. I have an episode about what some of these harmful patterns are. If you would like to listen to it, it's episode number five, six destructive generational patterns and how to break them. The next step is owning your story. This is such an empowering part of my roots framework. This is all about naming it, writing it down, speaking it out loud, taking back your power and owning your story. And because of this and because we're making peace with the past, we're embracing our inner child. We are recognizing things that didn't work and then we are owning up to some of these things. It takes time. It's not going to happen overnight. But you're going to recognize that you can step out of the victim role. You can open your heart. You can feel like you can finally give that little inner child a hug and acknowledge her existence and her part and role in your life today. There are so many components of it. But for the sake of time, those two first R and O, recognize harmful patterns, own your story, have to do with making that peace with the past. What does peace mean to you? Because peace might be different for everybody else, but when you can truly make peace with the past and own your story, you can finally let go of some of the things that may be keeping you back from progressing. Maybe feelings of resentment or anger. And this leads me to the next way. which is building confidence in your present role, which I think is most important because we are here and now. All we have is the present moment. One of my most favorite spiritual teachers is Eckhart Tolle. He is the author of The Power of Now, which is an incredible book about so many things, but really just surrendering to the power of the present moment and continually focusing on the present moment. So once you've acknowledged the past, the next step is stepping into your power today. And there are times when we continue to acknowledge our past or things pop up from our past, but grounding yourself in the now is one of the best ways that you can cope and you can fight off things that pop up like anxiety, depression, different things when you can really ground yourself. And this is where we lean into opening your heart to forgiveness, which is the third O of my roots framework. Now, this doesn't mean that we excuse the specific person or organization, whoever, whatever, whomever harm, it's that we release its control over you. You don't need to be a perfect mom. You just need to be a present and intentional mom. And We're also leaning into forgiveness of ourselves. Because when you begin to forgive, right, yourself, your mother, your circumstances, you actually make so much space for confidence and self-trust to grow. You're building that emotional resilience. It's like a muscle. The third way is breaking harmful generational patterns for the future. And if you're listening to this, you already are because you're planting seeds in your mind that And you're going to go home and use these things that I teach you. And you're already breaking harmful patterns. This is the heart, right, of what we all want. Because I think that when you become a mom, all of a sudden you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on. This happened to me as a kid. I don't want this to happen to my children. And we... all want to break the cycles that we were caught in and raise our children in love and safety. And we're not going to be perfect and we're going to make mistakes. We're going to have failures, but we can overcome them. And this is these final steps in my roots framework, the T and the S that we really talk about in this third way, transforming, limiting beliefs. What are you still believing that keeps you stuck? Think those thoughts that are just There's no way out. Something like, I'm not enough. That's a limiting belief. I'm failing. That's a limiting belief. And the last step is setting new boundaries. This is where real change actually happens. You get to define how you show up, what you tolerate, what you pass on. Now, I know this is a lot of information kind of jam-packed into a short episode, but I I want to plant these seeds for you because emotional resilience, it takes work and it's something that you can do every single day. Even if it feels like over the span of a couple months, you're one step forward, three steps backwards. I feel that way. Even today, I feel that way. But it's possible. Becoming emotionally resilient, it doesn't happen overnight, okay? But these three steps... Making peace with the past, building confidence in the present, and then breaking cycles for the future really are your path forward. Roots Framework is here to help you uncover root causes of your struggles, reclaim that emotional strength, and create the kind of home you always wished for. I say this in every episode. You are not alone and you're not alone in this work. You don't have to do it perfectly. You just have to stay rooted, rooted in this passion, in this journey. If this episode resonated with you, struck you, stood out to you, I always would love to hear from you. You can come over to my Instagram at alissa.carleen.rogers. Tag me. DM me anything. I would love to hear from you. And just know that I'm here to support you. You are capable of building emotional resilience and teaching your children how to do it too. Because that's what this is all about, mama. We take our pain and we turn it into purpose.