7. Break Free from the Victim Mentality & Finally Own Your Story

Are you ready to reclaim your life and truly own your story? 

Today's episode of Navigating Motherhood Without Your Mother is about breaking free from the victim mentality and stepping into a place of healing, strength, and ownership. Alyssa Carlene shares five key points to incorporate into your life to transform your pain into purpose when the victim mentality's got you stuck. 

Listen to the episode to answer the following questions: 

• How can I take ownership of my past and let go of what no longer serves me? 
• How can I stop seeing myself as a victim and start seeing myself as strong and capable? 
•  What are some practical steps I can take to shift my mindset from powerless to empowered? 
•  What does it look like to let go of blame when the pain still feels so real? 
•  How do I rewrite my narrative when I feel like my past defines me? 

1. Want to join a supportive, heartfelt community with other moms who are also navigating motherhood without their mothers? Join our Facebook Group today!

2. Are you ready to build confidence and emotional resilience as a mom, even without the support of your mother? Access the free video training now: Five Steps to Navigating Motherhood Without Your Mother!

3. Want to chat more about what it's like to mother without your mom and get personalized support? Send Alyssa Carlene a DM on Instagram!

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

For so long, I feared I was destined to become just like my mom, trapped in the same cycles, carrying the same wounds. That fear kept me stuck, believing I had no choice but to repeat the past. I felt helpless, drowning in motherhood. Have you ever felt that way? Like no matter how much you try, you're bound to relive the pain that you came from. Everything changed when I decided to own my story instead of run from it. My healing officially began and I stepped into the mother I was meant to be. Today, I want to help you do the same. Let's talk about breaking free from the victim mentality and finally owning your story. You're listening to Navigating Motherhood Without Your Mother. Here, we help moms with young children who lack maternal support to overcome childhood wounds and break harmful generational patterns through the five-step Roots Framework. My name is Alyssa Carlene. I am a motherhood empowerment and generational healing coach. My mission is to help you discover the root causes of your struggles so you can learn to regulate your emotions and create a healthy, loving home environment for your family. Please remember that my podcast content is for educational purposes only and should never replace proper medical and mental health guidance from licensed professionals. Let's get started. All right, today we are talking about massive mental shifts that are game changers for your life and your mothering. Following this episode, you can expect to incorporate five key strategies to assist you in breaking free from this victim mentality and finally owning your story. The thing about the victim mentality or hearing it and questioning, am I being a victim here? is that it can feel triggering and it pushes buttons that you didn't know you had because nobody likes feeling called out. They feel embarrassed. They feel worried. They feel shocked. When I first realized that I was carrying this victim mentality and mindset with me, it was kind of like a slap in the face because I realized I was letting life happen to me instead of living. And I was just under the impression that everything was sort of, I mean, I say this almost denying it, but really everything that happened to me was because of somebody else. I was blaming another person and that main person, that main culprit was my mother. And the reason why I recognized that I was in this victim mindset was that it took me going to a mental health recovery center and retreat the first day to actually realize, okay, I've got to make some changes. Because when they were talking about perspective that you have, that either you're going to have life happen to you, everything is bad, everybody's to blame, either it's subconscious or you're fully aware, you're angry, you're mad, like you're the victim and you might not even realize it, or you're the victor. You are the hero. Things happen. Bad things happen. Yes, you were a victim at the time to whatever it was. But the reality is that you are breaking chains. Because for me, the victim mentality was keeping me shackled. There was no way that I could progress and that I could grow into the human that I am today if I still let myself be stuck in that mindset. So because we're moms, and if you're listening, most likely you have a mother wound.

UNKNOWN: 4:09

And

SPEAKER_00: 4:09

There's going to be some pain points that I'm going to push, right? We all have pain points that are pushed when people bring things up, when things happen. I have a big abandonment button. And I think it's kind of silly to call it an abandonment button when it really feels like this abandonment gaping hole inside of me. But the reason why I call it the abandonment button is because I feel it pushed and triggered all the time. And now that I'm aware of it, it's a much interesting perspective. And I'm bringing this up. It ties into everything, I promise. But it's the same thing with the victim mindset. You're going to be triggered by the things that people do. And the victim mindset is going to keep you stuck. Like there's no way out of it. It's everybody else's fault and you can't do anything about it because it's just happening to you because it's bad luck or it's just your life. It's just the way it is. You know, whatever it is, like it's just not healthy. So the first step is, And I really want to try and keep this brief because I know we're moms. I know we're busy. And I'm sort of veering off of script today. I really want to make this personal so that you can understand. But the first key step is to take ownership. You want to acknowledge your past without letting it control your future. So let me give you the example of when I first realized that I was being a victim. I was sitting in a foot zoning appointment, which is kind of funny. I don't know if you've ever heard of foot zoning. It's a type of energy work. The foot zoner was massaging my feet and kind of telling me about the meridians of my foot and different things. different parts of the foot that reflect different organs or even emotional aspects, which was just, it was fascinating. And we even talked about my inner child. And for some reason, as I was sitting there, it just clicked inside my mind that this abandonment that I felt was also tied to feeling like a victim. And I don't know where it came from. It could have been inspired. divine a voice within me I don't remember exactly I just know that I had this thought come to my mind that you can't be the victim anymore and I didn't feel offended I didn't feel sad I felt really excited because I knew that this was the first step so taking that ownership and realizing okay I can't be this way anymore I can't blame everybody else I can't stay stuck I I'm going to take ownership of what's happening to me. And then the next step is to release blame. So this is all about shifting your focus from what happened to you to what you can do about it. I had gotten to an all-time low, which is why I went to this retreat because I needed help. I was having horrific chronic pain that felt like it was... endless, like endless migraines that were never stopping. And I was miserable. I was so depressed. I was just, I did not want to continue living this way. I didn't want to live. And so there was a lot of that blame was going internal and it was also going outward, like to everybody else around me, to my mom, to my mother-in-law, to my husband, to my kids. I really felt like I was blaming other people. Even if I didn't want to admit it, I was blaming them for what was happening to me. So the moment I recognized, I took that ownership and then I released the blame. Then I shifted my perspective, which is the third takeaway. And this was that I saw the past, those challenges as opportunities for growth. instead of setbacks. So I started to recognize that everything that I had been through was actually propelling me forward into this incredible place and person that I had always dreamed of being. And for some reason, I had to go through these trials. I had to experience neglect, severe neglect, verbal abuse, even some physical abuse in my childhood, as well as a lot of physical illness and different things that I went through each of these things. And because I went through them, I am now sitting, recording a podcast episode, doing my best to help and encourage other moms know that they can heal and they can grow. So that perspective shift is key here. Because you want to take what you have, that part of your story, and really own it, okay? Instead of running from it or being so angry about it, it's like put it on your forehead. Like put it on a name tag. I am a motherless mother. I am grieving my mom who is still alive and she's not available. She's not capable. And that's it. And because of that, I am now a podcaster and a coach and all these things. So take those perspectives and shift it. And remember, it's going to feel uncomfortable. The victim mindset is going to constantly be triggered. I'm still triggered all the time. I feel like I've come to a place of acceptance with all the mommy stuff. Although I do feel like occasionally I'll get kind of angry, like, man, I really wish my mom could be here right now and help me. Or man, I am so angry that this happened as a kid. But the difference was that when I was a victim, I would have really sat and just like, thought about it and been angry about it and it manifested physically in my body into that physical pain. So I hope this makes sense. I'm a little jumbled. I feel like I'm coming down with a head cold. So I'm trying to be clear and just be personal here and vulnerable. But the next step after shifting that perspective, the next key here is that you want to take an empowered action. So I... Did this thing where I went on this retreat. I was super vulnerable and I was working with people because I'd had enough and I needed help. And I also needed to be humble and ask other people for help because I think another part of it is feeling like we don't want to ask for help because all the times that we were asking for help, we were let down. We were let down by the people around us, especially if you were failed by your parents, by your mom, the person who gave you life, the person who was supposed to protect you. If she failed you, you're going to see that failure in everybody else around you. So when you take this empowered action, you're making intentional choices that are aligning with your healing and your values, okay? You're going to take action. What's good? And run. Run, baby. Run with it, right? So like this foot zoning thing, this was really good for me. This was a way that I could heal my inner child. I could talk things out, accept, surrender. You're just going to take these intentional choices because you deserve to heal. You deserve to not be shackled in the past. but to embrace the present moment and no longer let the past drag you down every day. And then finally, number five, you get to rewrite your narrative. This is the best part of all. This is the stepping into the power and owning your story. And this is what I will help you with in my coaching is that I will help you step into this power because you are resilient. And you have done so much. If you listened to my last episode about building confidence in your abilities, that reframe was you are more capable than you realize, okay? If you are navigating motherhood without your mother, you are incredible. Because this is a really hard thing that I feel like a lot of people don't talk about. We don't talk about these things, about how hard it is to be a motherless mother. So remember, there's also a difference between recognizing that you went through things and it was really hard and acknowledging that and just allowing all of it to keep you from progressing, right? I hope you can see there's a clear difference because you're going to have these pain points. You're going to have these buttons, whatever they are. pushed and triggered. You're going to be triggered by your kids. You're going to be triggered by everybody around you, but it's going to start getting better and you're going to start being able to positively tell yourself, hey, I am struggling really bad right now and that's okay. And I'm going to feel these emotions and I'm not going to be a victim because I'm a victor. So I hope that this helps. I hope that you can see that this is how you break free. from the victim mentality and that owning your story, whatever your story is, your beautiful story, your unique human story of mothering, of mothering without your mom, wherever you are, whoever you are, your story is unique. It's beautiful. You own it. You wear it on your sleeve. and you allow it to propel you forward. You do not allow it to keep you shackled because if you do, then you're going to teach your children the same exact thing and they will cope in the same way. We don't wanna pass on these destructive patterns, but this is one where you have to own up, right? I know it's hard because we're talking about neglect or abuse or whatever it is that you went through as a kid I realize I can be there with you. But now you're an adult and you have children and you're in a different position now. So this truly is so, so important. And we're going to end here. But I want you to know, like in my last episode, you truly are more capable than you can even imagine. And even if you just continue to think that, that's going to open you up It's going to open you up big time because you're going to recognize that you are strong and that you have done so many things in this life that other people would never even imagine going through. And you're here. You're here, mama. You are amazing, okay? You can break free from this and you can own your story and you can heal. I am so glad to have you here. Thank you so much. But please feel free to message me. And like I said, if you so feel inclined to leave a review, that would be wonderful. That would be another way to get this podcast out to other moms who need it. Your story is not over and you have the power to shape what comes next. You can reclaim your voice, your healing, and your future one step at a time. Thanks for tuning in. We'll talk again soon.