3. Ten Steps to Heal Childhood Wounds

Motherhood sure has a way of bringing up childhood wounds we thought were behind us. Have you ever felt this happen? 

In this episode of Navigating Motherhood Without Your Mother, Alyssa Carlene walks you through 10 powerful steps to help you process the past by reconnecting with your inner child. 

From acknowledging your feelings and setting boundaries to reparenting yourself and breaking generational cycles, each step is designed to support your healing and growth. Tune in to learn how to start implementing these steps and take meaningful strides toward self-compassion, forgiveness, and lasting transformation.

Listen to the episode to answer the following questions: 

• Why is it important for me to acknowledge and validate my feelings when healing childhood wounds?
• How can I embrace my inner child, and how will it help me heal?
• In what ways can therapy and professional support help me on my healing journey?
• How can I set boundaries with myself and others to protect my emotional well-being?
• How does reparenting help me heal, and what are some ways I can start reparenting myself?

1. Want to join a supportive, heartfelt community with other moms who are also navigating motherhood without their mothers? Join our Facebook Group today!

2. Are you ready to build confidence and emotional resilience as a mom, even without the support of your mother? Access the free video training now: Five Steps to Navigating Motherhood Without Your Mother!

3. Want to chat more about what it's like to mother without your mom and get personalized support? Send Alyssa Carlene a DM on Instagram!

Transcript

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I want you to think about one of your hardest days in motherhood. Picture yourself walking to the bathroom just to get maybe a minute or even just a few seconds of a break from motherhood. And you look at your reflection in the mirror. And instead of seeing yourself, you see your childhood self staring back. What would you say to her? What would you do in that moment right now to help her? What would she need to hear to help you heal? You're listening to Navigating Motherhood Without Your Mother. Here, we help moms with young children who lack maternal support to heal childhood wounds and break harmful generational patterns through the five-step Roots Framework. My name is Alyssa Carlene. I am a generational healing and motherhood empowerment coach. My mission is to help you heal the root cause of your struggles so that you can learn to regulate your emotions and create a healthy loving environment for your family. Please remember that my podcast content is for educational purposes only and should never replace proper medical and mental health guidance from licensed professionals. I'm so happy you're here mama let's get started. During the episode today, I am sharing 10 remarkable steps to heal the scars from our childhood. It's inevitable. Motherhood has a way of unearthing childhood wounds we thought we had buried. The way we were parented and mothered shapes how we show up for our children, sometimes in ways we don't even realize. But here's the beautiful part. Motherhood doesn't just expose our wounds. It offers a chance to heal them. Every moment we choose to parent differently, to respond with love instead of fear, to break cycles instead of repeating them, we are not just healing our children, we are healing ourselves. This is so powerful and I'm excited to share with you these 10 steps. The first step is to acknowledge and validate your feelings. A few years ago at a therapy appointment, I was sharing some stories from my childhood and And I remember telling my therapist, saying something like, well, I guess it wasn't all that bad. I mean, I know some other people have it way worse. And my therapist responded so profoundly. She told me there's no such thing as the trauma Olympics and that comparing our experiences with others isn't helpful. She was completely right. Acknowledging our feelings helps us recognize that the pain we felt was real and valid. Then we have room to grieve and feel whatever else is necessary to heal. It can feel overwhelming as a mom when you're already trying to help your children regulate themselves. Therefore, it's important to have specific times dedicated to self-care and healing. Next, you need to embrace your inner child. Like the beginning of my episode, think of these ways that you can envision her. Look at yourself in the mirror. Talk to her. There are so many other ways. I've heard of people going out and buying their favorite snacks from childhood to eat while watching their favorite movie as a kid. Or you could write a letter to your younger self. Hang a picture on your mirror and look at her every day. Tell her how much she is loved, how incredible she is. Embrace this little person because she's still a part of you. No matter how much we bury or try not to think about it, our inner child is still in there. I see my younger child reflected in my children all the time, and that's just another way to embrace that inner self. This is why this work is so important. The third is to utilize therapy and other professional support. I am a huge advocate for this and we all know that there are stigmas behind mental health treatment. So we have to strip down any guilt or shame because then we can open up this healthy level of vulnerability that we can share with a therapist or another professional for help. It takes time and work to find the right treatment, therapy, mentorship, or coaching. Maybe you need a specific trauma-informed therapist, or you need therapy in a group setting. I am so grateful to have my team of support that I've created. It's taken years to get there, but it has been such a blessing in my life, and it's incredible to know that I'm not doing this alone. The next step is to set boundaries with yourself and others. Oh, that big B word, boundaries. This pertains to healing childhood wounds because you need to identify and enforce boundaries with people who may trigger or dismiss your pain. It is possible to prioritize your well-being over pleasing others. It's crazy how those two things become tangled together, well-being and people pleasing. Maybe it's how often you communicate with a family member or whether you attend family events or not. You can be both respectful while setting boundaries and firm. It's not always going to be well-received, right? That's the reality. But that's on them. And if you need to set boundaries with your mother, it's important that you recognize that the boundaries are going to be key in your healing journey. They protect you and they protect your children, which is a huge deal. So boundaries are never to be dismissed and you can have help in setting them. Number five, allow yourself to feel and process. Emotional regulation. I think all over Instagram right now is the idea of having a regulated nervous system, the concept of it, right? And how we get there and what we do to get there. I don't know if you ever feel this way, but I don't like feeling angry. I think that there are a lot of reasons why. But the biggest is the guilt that I feel from it. And something I've been doing to process my anger is actually through prayer. So sometimes when I'm really, really angry, I will pray to God to help me process this anger. And I will tell him how angry I am at the situation, at the person, whatever it is. And I pray that... I will be guided to process the anger in a healthy way. And there's other ways like physical activity and exercise. I've also heard that they have rage rooms, which I think is really fun. Maybe I'll go to one of those someday. But there are healthy ways to process these big emotions. And it's really a time that you get to find out what works for you. I think in what I experienced growing up, I also was afraid to be angry because I saw my mom so angry all the time and it scared me. But anger is a part of the healing process, the grieving process, whatever it is you're going through. So there are ways. And like I said, it's kind of like a practice, a skill set, a habit almost that you get to work like a muscle. And we were born to feel. It's okay to feel our emotions. Can you imagine if we never felt anything? If you never felt angry, how would you know any different? Imagine a life without pain. You'd never know the sweet opposite of joy and pleasure. So just keep telling yourself feel to heal, feel to heal. And soon you'll recognize that these feelings are normal and your children will pick up on it and they'll see and you can teach them how to regulate their emotions too, which is huge, huge. Okay, the sixth step is the process of reparenting. Basically what this means is that you are going to give yourself the care and structure that you needed when you were a child. You could create a bedtime routine in a safe, soothing environment. Start speaking to yourself with more kindness. Use affirmations. Listen to comforting music. Create the home environment that you deserve. It's not about perfection. It's about showing up in the ways that you need and the ways that you needed when you were a little girl. After reparenting comes breaking generational cycles. This means prioritizing parenting that focuses on helping you heal. Maybe for you, this means literally writing out the pros and cons from which you were parented and then implementing what's healthy and what works. In college, I studied the science of families and their systems. I remember one day in class learning about intergenerational transmission of trauma. It was all the while fascinating and heartbreaking. The most empowering part was hearing from my teacher that we can be the link that breaks the harmful chains. I'm actively doing this. And even you just listening today is mentally making a significant change that will impact so many things for you. Making these changes, breaking these cycles is going to be incredible for your life, your kids, and your family. And it's possible. Number eight, find supportive communities. I am so excited for this one. Very soon, I am creating a Facebook community for moms like us, moms who lack maternal support that want to heal from childhood wounds and break generational trauma. This will be an incredibly uplifting and empowering environment, a place that we can connect, we can laugh, we can have a lot of fun. Something I've been craving and dreaming of for a long time is this community and And please stay tuned in the future for more details. The internet really is a great place to find support, but you also need in-person help. Who is your go-to support person? Mine is my husband. Yours may be different. Mothering without your mom may also mean that you lack other familial support. It is possible to create your support system, but truly it does take time. I think the key here is trying to focus on one person that can be your go-to, your tag team, somebody you could call, somebody that you can vent to. Maybe it's even your therapist that you meet with on a regular basis. Whoever that is, have that one person in mind and then start gradually reaching outward. It's possible, like I said, and you're not alone. I have to remind myself all the time this because I Navigating motherhood without my mother has left this gaping hole. And so I'm trying to fill that hole with other things. And though no one can ever replace her, I have found success. And I have good days. I have bad days. I have moments where I feel so isolated and moments when I feel great. And that's just all about healing. That's just part of the process. Okay, the ninth step is a big one. Forgiveness. Forgiveness to me, is an essential part of healing, but it should never be rushed or forced. It took me a long time to fully forgive my mom. And you know what? Before I forgave her, I actually had to forgive myself for a lot of reasons and ways. By focusing on this self-compassion and love, I was able to let go of the shame and guilt and perfectionism and all these other things that I had sort of taken on from my childhood. And I want you to know that forgiveness never means excusing harm or forgetting, right? Forgive and forget, like it's such a silly thing. You don't just forget. But you can choose to let go and release that grip. It means that you are moving forward in harmony with yourself and what you need. And it's truly a beautiful thing. Lastly, number 10, practice self-compassion. Just like I said, I had to work on me before I could even forgive my mom. Guilt, shame, perfectionism, all these things, they're all normal and healing isn't linear. It's a roller coaster of emotions and setbacks. This is where grace comes in. At the end of the day, it's remembering always that you are enough and Your love, your effort, and presence matter more than any missing piece from your past. Speak to yourself with kindness and nurture yourself like you would your own child. So there you have it. Ten incredible steps to heal childhood wounds. I cannot wait to connect with you. Please follow me on Instagram. Follow me on Facebook. I'm here. I want to support you. I want to hear from you. You can send me a DM if you want. I just want you to know that I am so excited that we can create this community of mothers. Like I said, the Facebook group is coming soon and that we can continue to heal from these childhood wounds because navigating motherhood without your mother is difficult, but it can also be a beautiful thing. Thanks for listening. Stay tuned for the next episode next week, every Tuesday. Can't wait to hear from you.